Online Poker Vs The Planet Of The Apes
- Filed under: Poker
- Date: Jul 20,2010
I am fairly certain that most of you at one time or another have encountered one or more of those whimsically humorous paintings from the fine series of poker playing dogs from the anthropomorphic imagination of Cassius Coolidge. These paintings feature a comfortably middle-class group of canines, dressed appropriately for the occasion in a dark poker den enjoying a rousing game of poker. Turns out they may not be so whimsical, but the poker players of whimsy are not our canine friends, they are poker playing primates. That ape icon of a player on your online poker site might be – an ape. Technological advancements of today include the IT company, Primate Programming Inc. Yes, they have taught primates how to play poker and win. Primates not only wield tools to improve their lives they wield cards.
Primate Programming Inc has found that great apes (who share 97% of DNA with us) are competent IT specialists and are employed by PPI. They enter a training program and upon graduation perform their services with PPI’s clients while demanding very low wages. Somewhere down the line, it was discovered that these employees also can be taught to play poker showing a particular knack for no-limit Texas Hold’em.
These card-playing apes are drawn to no-limit poker due to their natural bent for playful displays of aggression. So, this particular feature enables them to be particularly proficient at aggressive bluffing. In no-limit games, any player can bet his entire wad at any time, a strategy (?) requiring risky, aggressive behavior and the ability to retain a poker face while bluffing.
Since online poker games are anonymous, this helps our poker playing primates. You cannot determine who is of the human persuasion versus the ape persuasion. The human types have actually lost thousands of dollars to a player who played the early rounds with betting very little money and showed lame cards on a regular basis then out of the blue bet big time, of course, everyone in the game called, and the big time better revealed aces. Our winner was undoubtedly jumping up and down and pounding his chest in glee.
The primate-players’ initial employment as computer programmers is not coincidental. It seems, according to PPI, that they independently develop programs which aide them during games. The nature of these programs has not yet been revealed. One thing is sure: “DrDestructo” and “ThePikerMan” could have a full-time professional (online) poker career, if only they wanted to. Outside the laboratory/office, they may neglect their training and prefer the old game of hurtling themselves at the bars of zoo cages and then grin their monkey grin at the startled adults and children. Still, as long as they are paid and fed regular, with bonuses, and are allowed to mate, David Sklansky and Ed Miller may need to update their No-limit Hold’em books in the nearest future.
There is ongoing investment of money and effort taking place in the research of these programmer apes. Norm McAuliffe, a Yale biology Phd and the scientist leading the discovery research team at Primate Poker Inc is now hiring profitable primate-players to play for cash in rotation shifts 24/7. Mr. McAulliffe is very much committed to his business model and plans to continue his work.
The author is a successful limit cash game player. He plays poker online and receives Aced Poker Rakeback as well as Rakeback at Poker Nordica.
